we humans shall not arrogantly forget,
that we are also natured like the animals,
implanted with a fighting-for-survival
mechanism of instincts and reflexes.

it is merely our IQ level that
separates us from the animals,
and we self-tagging ourselves;
'humans'.

by the end of the day,
all general living-creatures
are still 'animal-beings',

fighting to survive.

we are all paranoia-beings.

"i'm gonna break my jaw by the teeth,
and a quick vibration-snapping of my neck."

we all live in fear;
separated by the difference
level of paranoia within us.

some fear of their financial.
some fear of their freedom.
some fear of disappointments.
some fear of departures.

but most of us, fear of death.

it's scary, how yr thoughts
focus so much on it,
it actually calls for it.

it's already a fact,
that death is everywhere.

but it is also true;
many things are still 'life' everywhere.
and there is also love.

that is why love is the savior of all time.
as in many religions have taught.

it is always about love.

and how do you seek?

and how do you get?

you have to find.

i fear of not having love,
and live forever not ever havin it again.

i fear of not finding it again,
and will never-ever find it again.

because it is not for me;

i am a terrible-minded person.

i think in riddles,

and blame in philosophical,

and abstract in art.

i don't feel like drawing.
i don't feel like painting.
i don't feel like crafting anything
out of anything and everything.

and these are the moments where it lead me to this;

of not even wanting to know anything,

and just resting.

calming.

placing.

staying.

finally, breathing.

and than it ends.

just like,

(breath)

that.

end of ACT I.

i have a demon within me.

we all have. atleast one.

i believe in magic,
but magic never believes in me.

the thought of every man in this world;
of every woman in this world,

'is she, will she?'

how could anything stays,

when everything is moving?

i'm a terrible person.

i do terrible things;

i destroy everything that surrounds me.

and i can't keep still.

my words are like knives to them.

time is so fast.

it's when you knew when to worry about it,

it's when it's already gone.

before i have to know,

i've already known.

i am obsess over many things,

love for example.

in life, you can only have One
and not two.

learning from the examples of my parents,
that you only need 'one' to make
everything/everybody happy and harmony.

maybe-afterall we ARE our parents,
that life sometimes can be quite unfair.

i've seen from my mom,
even from the number One slot,
you can be brought down to number two.

we have to bitterly swallow the defeat/truth
in able to continue-survive.

but still, i think my mom did a good job.
she survived.

from my weakness now,
i finally see the bravery in my mom,

she is my superhero.

fellow men,
you can only choose one,

only one.

work or love.

balance.

One.

Love rules over wealth.

Love equals Health.

and Health equals life.

you need life.

and you need her.

go Appreciate her.

for she is Love herself.

this is ALL my karma.

love and career,

i've lost both.

i'm near end to my life line,

and its too late for me to fix them.

i thought i was smart,

now i know i'm only a fool.

i'm the joke of everyone,

giving up is the easiest to do.

letting go,

is the best comfort.

i am poor and useless to everyone,

that is the fact.

i wish to have the confidence,

and like of everyone.

but i don't even like myself,

do i even expect anyone to?

i seek God once.

loneliness was still there.

then, i found temporary love,

it ended filling me up with more emptiness.

i seek God again.

for awhile, it helped.

then, nothing.

drugs helped awhile too,

then, nothing.

numb. angry.

i hate to live in solitary.

it is slowly killing me.

maybe if i choose the fact that
i'm only a walking corpse, a hopeless being,

then i would stop seeking.

maybe it is the seeking.

maybe if i did not chose art as my life,

i would be happier,

i would not seek for truths,

i would not be emotionally attached to things.

i would be cold.

and maybe coldness is better than emptiness.

i'm tired of my ramblings.

the tiredness of everyone listening to me,

makes me angrier at myself.

if i was to choose to be a recluse,

i should start acting like one.

instead of being a self-pitying bastard,

that begs for attention from everyone.

does everyone wish to have a time machine
as bad as me?

why am i never satisfy with the present?

why do i long for the past?

i see people dying and suffering everywhere, everyday.

i feel ashame of my ingratitude towards life.

i hate my sadness.

i crave for happiness.