i seek God once.

loneliness was still there.

then, i found temporary love,

it ended filling me up with more emptiness.

i seek God again.

for awhile, it helped.

then, nothing.

drugs helped awhile too,

then, nothing.

numb. angry.

i hate to live in solitary.

it is slowly killing me.

maybe if i choose the fact that
i'm only a walking corpse, a hopeless being,

then i would stop seeking.

maybe it is the seeking.