Married

Everyone's married these days.

Children.

Family.

And I'm still alone.

Do I want to?

I do not know.

I do want kids.

But am I ready to give life to another when I haven't had

enough for myself.

She's gotten married.

End of that chapter of my life.

They have won.

And I'm still...

Healing I guess.

I'm much better.

But still....

It gets cold sometimes.

i keep forgetting i'm a writer.
i've always been.

but i live in denial.

i do not know why it took me so long to realize this.

i've been a good one for a long time.

i remember when i was 14 in my english class,
i discover the usage of (-) writing,
the teacher was very please with my story
and read it to the class.

i thought it was just a fluke.

somehow years later i miraculously ended-up
in an english spelling bee contest. and even more miraculous,
i got second, also defeating the well-known mixed-Eurasion Malay chick
(whom i also had a crush on then) where the entire school
knew that she could speak perfect top-A class english sexy accent,
(excuse me, she's married now :( ).

yet, i also shamefully lost to the grand-prize-winner; whom was the chinese guy
in school where everybody knows English wasn't his first language.

so thus the irony of life,
since then i've always denied that i was any qualified writer.
or if i was, i was a horrible one and therefore undeserving the title 'writer'.

but today.

i had a longing feeling;

i miss writing.

and somehow i just knew where to come back too.

-chinyew